Bad ads on Indian TV

Hero honda hunk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZmQwu-aKgQ

I wonder if the same person directed all Hero Honda Hunk ads. In this ad, there is a club of wild bulls charging down the road.. and our hero waits downhill… the bulls see the ‘Hunk’ morph into a bull of extraordinary size and then leave the place… was this an ad for the bull or the bike??

Hunk 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrfrIqRenZo

Everybody follows the hunk…

Three fully grown-up donkeys ride in an SUV… and one sweetie has a copy of the ‘Himalayan Monsters’ in her hand. They see damage all along the way and stop at the entrance of a tunnel…. And behind comes our hero …the guys in the SUV say “Reverse” … and hero says “Reverse is not an option” ..

Well, he was right in one sense…bikes don’t have reverse gear !!

Iball inverter

I have a strong feeling that the director must have felt horny when he was creating this ad. There is absolutely no connection at all between the product and the ad.

Wife says “Richard, are you ready?”

Husband says “No, I’m not”

And wife walks away dejected….

He shifts to an iball inverter… and he gets ready fast !!! …. Style ?? wot ?? and they are both together early in bed.

Karbonn jumbo mobile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cN51djr7d0

Hero walks into store and calls the owner “Chotte!”… customers are queued up as though they are being offered free rations…

They ask “Tumko yeh chotte dikhtha hai kya?”

Hero replies (translated) “in comparison to Karbonn mobile’s jumbo screen and jumbo battery size, everything else is small” and to signify this… there is a Toyota innova parking beneath the hero’s legs. Wonder if all Kabronn jumbo mobile buyers turn into mall sized giants.

JK lakshmi cement

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2cqlw3pwFw

Amazing how one can call this an ad though… a lady in a swimsuit for a cement ad!!

A lady in red swimsuit walks up and in the background “Vishwas hai…isme kuch khaas hai”….

Now what are we supposed to understand?

JK lakshmi cement

I have a hunch that these guys hired the director of the ‘Hero Honda Hunk’ ad. Virender sehwag plays street cricket with kids and the whole town is watching… he plays with a tennis ball smashing it all over the neighborhood breaking window panes et al… all of a sudden grandpa comes up and says (translated) “he can break anything here, but not this wall” …

Volkswagen new jetta

http://www.volkswagen.co.in/en/volkswagen_world/Videos.html

Kid is born with wings … grows up .. saves lives .. and one day sees the Jetta. Under the exchange offer, he trades his wings and drives off with a Jetta…what a jerk!!

I saw the ad around 10 times and just failed to understand what they were trying to convey.

It's a niece...........

Yes...it is good news .... first girl child in our family :)

Congrats brother and sister-in-law :) Wonder why you decided to call her Veda !!!

The only problem I think would arise if she was made to sit in class in order of name

The media suck

By now, you must have got used to seeing the news flash "YSR dead in chopper crash" all over the web. Okay, it is a sad day in Andhra Pradesh with lots of mourners. I accept the fact that he was a good leader.

But, the media are at it yet again... Now, here are the facts that we need to know...

1. YSR was in a chopper on his way to some place..
2. Contact with the chopper was lost.
3. It is almost 11 hours since they lost contact and they still cant find where the chopper is.

Isn't this news enough for any layman? And won't you understand plain and clear if you were told about this once? But the media doesn't understand that we understand !!!

I knew that he was dead by this time and was waiting for some sort of confirmation. It is not that I am a sadist waiting for the CM to die...it was just too obvious..He couldn't have been hiding in some God-forsaken jungle without any sort of contact from the helicopter.

It is almost 7 o clock when I reach home. I knew about this news and visited ibnlive.com for some updates....nothing concrete so far...as they say in Tamil "Aracha maavaye araichu kittu irukkan". I start relaxing by playing some games on the computer...

My roomies arrive one by one...the first one is shell-shocked..someone had told him about the news (stale by now) and he rushed to switch on the TV...and there started the Mega-serial.
One by one they started changing news channels, from Gemini News to Eenadu TV to News 9 to TV9. They were not satisfied with what was being said in one channel and kept changing channels to see the Flash Updates being given.....

I got bored and asked them to switch to Ten Sports where the match b/w Sri Lanka and NZ was on....even before I could see a complete over, context switching had happened....

Here is what I saw on the news channel...
One channel had hired an air-expert (some goofball with flying experience) and they were essentially beating around the bush with him to kill time in the name of giving valuable news.

The government had said Sukhoi's were being deployed to aid rescue ops...
Another channel went one step further and made an animated clip of a helicopter going from left to right and a Sukhoi going from right to left. This clip was being shown while the anchor and the reporter were talking to each other...

That was yesterday evening.....

Today morning at 7 o clock, my friends are up early and watching the same news channels...and one of them, is apparently a bit heartbroken after seeing the news for so long...

The government should come out with a strong policy that enforces all broadcasters to refrain from showing the same news day in and day out. Remember, when current TN CM was arrested...SUN TV had managed to record the arrest in an amateur videocam and they played it all over their news channels for no less than 2 days, prompting the public to file a case in court for repeatedly telecasting the news and causing mental anxiety.

Can't the media understand? By wasting their airtime showing the same news over and over again doesn't make any difference. The government has already taken a strict stance on obscenity on television...if some sort of regulation is brought about for live events, the public can breathe a sigh of relief...

Interesting things that I have noticed in Bangalore

I have been in Bangalore from 2006 July. In my short stay here, I have observed and heard of some interesting things. While this may not be a comprehensive list, this is something the Bangalorean knows about and considers it part of his daily life...

1. Set Dosa: Available in any darshini (stand and eat hotel)... one gets three medium-size dosas and costs less than an ordinary dosa. It seriously fills your stomach... You don't have to eat anything else till your next eatathon session...
My observation about set dosas: Bachelor folk who don't like to spend money for dinner usually opt for this.

2. Bus travel: Bus passes (Day passes) are the favorite of the Bangalore people. Pay 32 rupees, get a pass, and you can board almost any bus except air-conditioned ones.

3. The conductor: One of the reasons for BMTC not getting their revenue is these guys. He is supposed to issue the ticket when you tender the money. But these guys take the money and just walk off. Only if you really insist on your ticket, you receive it...and that too with a scornful look.

4. Auto-drives: They never give you back change, especially if they know you are software-folk. One of my friends had such an experience....
He gave 50 rupees and the charge on the meter was 46..when my friend asked for the remaining 4 rupees, the driver said "You guys are earning so much..why do you ask for this petty amounts?"

5 Bus drivers: Who gave them the license to drive these buses?

6. Corner house: Death by Cholocate is a deadly favorite among die-hard ice-cream fans. Three large scoops of vanilla,equal quantity of chocolate sauce, peanuts and cashew...That's one helluva ice-cream underneath there..and crowds throng these joints on weekends...

7. Bus-stops: Many maniacs must have brainstormed about this to make such a stupid decision.
have you noticed some pattern about the location of the bus-stops? They are right next to the signal..and when the bus stops on the junction, where will the others go ?

8. Schools and B-Schools: Bangalore has a very high density of schools in every area. Going by the looks of the schools, I believe the fee would go into 6 digits at least. And there is a good number of B-schools in the same areas. The fee for these B-schools, thought not very high profile, would go into 7 digits. This is second-hand information...

9. Office design: Offices of IT companies generally dont take into account the ample daylight available and simply design their offices behind vitreous surfaces...if only someone could kick off a design suited to Indian conditions, they could set a benchmark for energy saving.

10. Reddy's and land-grabbing/squatting: While in Bangalore, never buy land from a person whose surname is Reddy. This is first hand information :)

stock markets

Wouldn't you love to make a quick buck that would fatten your purse any time of the month?
I am talking about the stock markets. Last year's stock market performance left a bad taste in the mouth for many investors...even stunning the most astute investors....with a bit of confidence returning to the markets, I thought I will post something that would at least help my friends fatten their purse....comes with a rider, though...terms and conditions do apply here !!!

Now here's what you need to do if you need to trade in the stock market
1. Open a Demat Account and a Trading account preferably with the same company...you are more than welcome to open multiple demat accounts...make sure you have your PAN card, some passport-sized photographs, address proof and a pen with a big refill to sign on 50 pages..

2. Once your account is opened, your company will send you a welcome kit and a delivery booklet (ignore this for the time being)

3. Oops I forgot...If you have an account with one of the banks that the trading company is associated with, then things are easier...else you need to open a new account with a particular bank and that needs to be linked with your trading account..

4. You are now ready to trade...

The first few trading sessions will be the usual first-times-i-shit-in-my-pants-experience. First timers generally buy stocks only in multiples of ones or tens.. once they see the amount being debited from their account on buying any stock, they would lose sleep if the price goes below their buy price.

Stock picking is not such a big deal..this is strictly my opinion
You need to look at 3 criteria before choosing any stock...

• Is it a leader in the segment in which it is doing business?
• Do they have sufficient money with them to weather the storm?
• Do they have a good order book?
  

This requires some research from your side....everything you need to know about the company will be present on your brokerage firm's website or on the stock exchange website. Watch NDTV-Profit or CNBC-TV18 when you find time. Initially, the news might sound a bt gibberish...but you'll get used to it soon.. Before you actually set foot to buy stocks, you can play around on rediff money or moneycontrol's tools.


more in part 2.........

News makers....

Things that have happened in the 6 months that I went into blog hibernation mode...
These are the events that need special mention...

• IPL being called Indian Political League and finally being shifted to South Africa
• The Satyam fiasco....Ramalinga Raju being named "Conman in white clothes"
• Indian stock markets rising 22% in a single day, with only 1.5 minutes of trading being done...
• Congress have returned to power...surprising, rather, stunning everyone
• LTTE supremo has been killed...will Karunanidhi talk about Tamils now and fast for a quarter day?
  

Why am i writing news like the editors on Headlines Today?????

whats cooking...

As usual, I have been in hibernation mode after one post. Innumerable events have occurred in this space....like the Mumbai blasts, (tempting to write....can't avoid this one) Equity Markets crash, India thrash Aussies and the big one yesterday..Sachin playing yet another champion innings and S(ane)nidhi has started a new blog !!

The attack on Mumbai has left people scarred and angry. After all, how can 10 terrorists enter the city so easily and cause so much damage?, is the question people desperately need an answer for.

If I were the Prime Minister of India, here is what I would have done

If the Mumbai attackers could so easily have access to the interiors at the Taj, so can the Indian Government locate the training camps in Pakistan. I would ask all combat forces to be ready.
I would summon my Air Force first and launch an aerial attack on the training camps alone.
If missiles are being launched from the other side, launch counter-strikes to combat them. The USA would obviously love this and would be more than willing to join us.

Call up my Pakistani PM and say "Enough is enough, you ar*****es. I am sick of waiting for you guys to take action...Eat this".

Having lost 3 wars previously, they still don't have the brains to differentiate defeat and victory and would still love to wage war. At this point though, they would plead for surrender. Take over Pakistan and soon start rummaging for the most wanted terrorists. Search all gullies and by-lanes all over Pakistan. If they are found alive, shoot them and their followers right away.

Feel like watching Bruce Willis in Die Hard battle it out with the villains or Vijaykanth single-handedly killing all terrorists from Kanyakumari to Kashmir??

Next, move to Kashmir and shoot the seperatists. Who are these arse***es to sit inside India and ask for Kashmir to be handed over to Pakistan?

Next target, PoK.... what the hell is this?? Pakistan occupied Kashmir, it seems...but doesn't Kashmir belong to India?? Kill the remaining arseholes hiding here.

The world is now cleansed of 99.9 % terrorists....

Is this too much to fathom? India can at least drop a nuclear bomb over Pakistan...that would do...

These spineless bas****s have the guts to ask for proof!! How silly is it of them to ask for proof?? Don't they ever watch TV or read an Indian newspaper? Do they think Indians lie day in and day out?? The proof is right there in the open and they say they haven't received any news from the Indian counterparts.

On a practical note though, dialogue seriously seldom makes any progress with Pakistan. We have seen it in 1993, 2001 and in 2005. I seriously admire the stance that Pranab Mukherjee has taken with respect to this attack. He is, IMHO, one of the best Ministers in a long long time. Check out his interview with Karan Thapar, in the Devil's Advocate.

My opinion on the recent happenings in Goa

• Fiona Mackeown is an irresponsible mother. Despite knowing that Goa is a country house of horny idiots, she allows her daughter to party on late into the night.
• Surprise surprise, she blames all and sundry instead of herself for letting her daughter down.
• I am still surprised that many countries haven’t blacklisted Goa as a no-no for tourists
• What is the fatal attraction in Goa for many tourists despite reports of molestation? (I haven’t been to Goa, but have heard friends’ opinions)
• Goa is a good place if you are a bunch of male friends and would like to party hard and get piss drunk.
• As usual, the Chief Minister has come into the spotlight
• And as usual, everyone wants CBI to handle the case.
• One witness comes out of hiding to reveal the incidents on that fateful night. I wonder how many others are hiding because of the indifferent attitude of Goa Police.
• This one is for Tourists: See ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ before you leave your country and remember to keep your daughters within eyesight.